My son had a jazz concert this week, and it's kind of a tradition around here that all the kids go out for ice cream. There's a place in our town where everyone goes. It's not in a super convenient location, but that's okay because their ice cream is so good, most people would walk barefoot on hot pavement for perhaps two miles or so to get some of their stuff. Okay, back to the story.
   So we're in line at the Wonderful Place and we're looking at the menu behind what feels like about 4,000 teenagers. Good thing they're mostly fast thinkers who know what they want, how they want it, and exactly how much. The line is moving pretty fast.
   I see there's something on the menu board called Wow Cow. Okay, I admit it's nothing new, and I have ignored it on the menu for a long time, preferring to stay in the lactose laden,creamy-licious, sugar filled world of heavenly spirals of real ice cream. (Uh-oh...breathing into paper bag again...) But back to the story.
   Dream sequence time:Picture things geting very wavy, and I remember a conversation with my dear mother, when she says that her and my dad went to the Wonderful Place and tried something called Wow Cow,and it was Angel Food Cake flavor, and wasn't it just the most wonderful,wonderful, delightful, delicious frozen confection God ever created, and if I get the chance, I should go in there and get a large cone because it's sugar free, fat free, and only has 38 calories for a half cup serving. Snap back to reality; we're up next. And in an ice cream place, that's almost as doggone fantastic as being next in line for a roller coaster.
    Okay! He asks us what we want. The kids ask for medium Cookie Dough Twisters in a cup. For you non-ice cream people, that's a delicious mixture of dairy, fat, sugar and pleasure in a cup they call "medium" when in actuality, it is "huge". My turn now. "A large Wow Cow cone, Angel Food Cake flavor, please."
    Pure white, swirled to perfection, very large, and quite exsquisite in every possible way.
   Until I tasted it. I wouldn't really say it tasted like Angel Food Cake. It was, let's see...more like white paper. No, more like wet white paper. College ruled. No ink. That would have added a flavor...Very reminiscent of spit ball substance in elementary school. Imagine the anvil-like drop of incredibly ill-proportioned disappointment.
    I hardly ever do bad reviews, because I tend to genuinely like most stuff I try. I am not a fussy gal. But geez, this stuff was awful. I can honestly say that I'm an optimistic sort...I ate the whole thing thinking that somewhere in there could be the tasty part, and I just needed to stick with it. See it through. This could get better.
   But no. I am here to say that the very last bite tasted as papery-bland as the first, and at no time during this taste experience did I say "wow". Except maybe at the end , on the way to the car, I might have said, "Wow, that sucked."  I offered a taste to each of the kids, and they made frowny faces and went back to their Twisters.
    So here's my small opinion of Wow Cow Frozen Confection. Eat real ice cream, in tiny quantities if you are hoping to cut back on fat and calories. Leave the Wow Cow for people like my dear mother who apparently are completely delusional, or have been born without a sense of taste. On an up note, though, Wow cow is cold. And if you want someting cold, then go  for it. I just have to learn to order a baby sized cone of the real stuff. The good stuff. Then maybe my pants will fit right.
    And that's the end of my review. Please don't hate me, Wow Cow People. I couldn't bear it. Peace, Lin
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