I keep getting these stupid announcement e-mails letting me know that I have one a lottery in Europe, one in Asia, several in South America...the list goes on and on. Today's big fat fake message came from a "Senator David Mark", and he claims there's 6.8 million dollars coming my way.
   Oh, come on.
    These stupid off-shore scams have got to be working for someone, or they wouldn't waste their time doing this. What I want to know is who's stupid enough to believe this crap? Apparently someone! And they think I'm in that group.
   I almost never participate in any kind of lottery, drawing, or other junk of that type. But I did something stupid last week. I was at a market, and there was a giant chocolate bunny being given away in a free drawing. Seemed harmless enough.
   So tonight during dinner, the phone rings. A lady tells me I won a prize in the drawing held at the market! Oh wow! I won the chocolate bunny for my daughter!
   Wrong.
   Mrs. Wonderful on the other end of the line informs me that no, I did not win the rabbit. But I DID win another prize! I "won" the "opportunity" to book a vacation in Sarasota, Florida (The Sunshine Nursing Home, I call it) And she starts blathering on an on about how it only costs $399 per person, up to 4 people, blah, blah, blah...
   Bullshit.
   Now I decide that I deserve a little fun, so I start shreiking and screaming into the phone that I actually won an opportunity! I won the chance to pay for a vacation I never wanted! Oh My God! I told her I had to go breathe into a paper bag, because it was all too much to take in.
   I handed the phone to my  husband and he asked her if one of us dies, can we bring someone else. He asked if we could keep the plane. He asked if the pilot has his real hair. He asked if our son could have a puppy. He asked if all our meals were included, and if so, could they not give us any "iffy" produce, because that could give us all diarrhea.
   Next my daughter takes the phone, and is asking where's the chocolate bunny. Who got the chocolate bunny? Were they diabetic, and their condition forbids sugar consumption? Is her brother really getting a free puppy? Will it rain in Sarasota while we're there, because we won't accept a trip that has rain during it. All the while I'm in the background screaming, "Oh Dear God...What do we do? We can't afford this...but it's the opportunity of a lifetime...I Know! We'll sell the house! We'll hock our wedding rings! If there's a God in Heaven, we'll find a way to make this happen, or we'll die trying..."
   There was a lot more, but you get the idea. She finally had enough and hung up. Serves her right.
   Don't you love it when you win an opportunity to buy something? How effing stupid do they think people are? It amazes me. I look forward to unsolicited sales calls. It has become a very fun family activity, and I hope that you blast 'em with your own brand of homemade obnoxcious comedy if they call you during dinner, or your favorite show. Stupid jerks. Now I have to go take a mild sedative so I can stop the rage. Peace, Lin
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